Recently I experienced disappointment. Someone's choices and behaviors hurt me. I didn't expect it.
I found myself wanting to blame. Blame the person, blame their choices, blame their actions.
You know point all my fingers at the person who caused me disappointment.
Is this true?
Was is not true about this?
My core belief is I create my reality.
I believe I am responsibile for myself.
If I am operating from those beliefs would I be blaming?
Can someone really disappointment me?
And even deeper, where am I at vibrationally that I even had the experience?
Meaning I had to be a match to disappointment for it to show up in my experience.
I am not spiritual bypassing.
I am not lying to myself or pretending.
This pain and disappointment is real.
But, it also has me full of questions and reflections.
Am I making someone else's choice more significant than I wish them to be?
Meaning, do I feel disappointment because I cared too much?
Did I make this person more important than I make myself?
If I am in alignment with myself, can anyone even disappointment me?
Or would I just see there choices as information?
If I am triggered, what does that mean?
I can be aware - yes, that is true.
I can listen to my body and notice how my body feels around people.
Do I need people to change in order for me to participate in the friendship?
The one thing I am getting more and more clarity, I do not like how I feel when I make someone else more significant than I make myself.
I am the only person who is responsible for my self value.
I am the only person in charge of my mindset.
If I believe no one is obligated to show up the way I expect, why do I feel disappointed by their actions?
It has me in deep thought.
I haven't figured my way out of this story line yet, but I know it is full of information.
Pain always has a message.
Pain is my friend, an ally and a teacher.
What patterns and beliefs can I adjust so I do not have this creation again?
Where can I put my focus so I feel supported?
I am a true believer my happiness, my sense of balance and my joy is my responsibility.
It's my job to figure out my limiting set points that allowed me to feel this disappointment in the first place.
Self love is a multi layered ride. Life and people expose new layers and levels that need my attention.
Pieces of me that feel abandoned present themselves. These pieces of me are showing up becuase the whole of me wishes to master self love. The more I love and respect myself, the easier it is for deeper layers of pain, abandonment and rejection to come up to the surface.
We were all born to an imperfect system. Imperfect parents or guardians, imperfect schools, and other imperfect friends, co workers and lovers. There is no person untouched by this polarity planet.
It's my job go in and heal my wounds. Pointing the finger is not healing my wounds. it is escaping. It feels better to blame. It's harder to manage my own set point.
I am a work in process. Growing, learning and evolving. In the good and in the uncomfortable.
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